I always tell my daughter, “don’t
worry about what people think about you” but honestly that is one of my biggest
problems. My “trigger” or spiral into
depression is most often caused by negative self-talk and obsession over what
others thinks of me. Issues are always
magnified in my mind 100X. My brain
becomes clouded, noisy, and overloaded with possible scenarios of what I should
or should not have done or said, what other people are thinking or saying about
me. The truth of the matter is, the people I’m worried about are most likely
not obsessing over me. “You cannot
control other people’s actions, so do not stress yourself out worrying about it”
is what I warn. It’s time to take my own
advice.
This obsession turns into fear and
anxiety. For example, I’ll avoid the
grocery store or running important errands if I’m not happy with my
appearance. I’ve lived in my current
city for just four years and I don’t know very many people here, yet my mind will
convince me I’m going to run into the one or two people I do know and they’ll
no longer see me in a positive light. Irrational! I know. Even knowing that my racing thoughts are
irrational doesn’t help me overcome the paralyzing fear. If I am forced to go out when I am not
feeling very pretty, I feel as if even strangers are noticing whatever flaw I’ve
zoned in on. It’s possible that I suffer from a form of
social anxiety, but I can’t get diagnosed because I’m too afraid to be seen at
a mental health office… someone may find
out.
I suggest trying to counter
negative self-talk with positive thoughts. I am a work in progress when it comes to this
skill. Recognizing when I’m being irrational
and talking myself through it helps. I
am aware of my mood change when I began to obsess over; all the fun I think
someone else is having, how happy people are without me in their life, or the
gossip that’s being spread about how miserable I am. With a clear head I know these things are
most likely not true, partially due to the fact that I spend a great amount of
time trying to appear “sane”, “normal”, “put together”. From the outside looking in, I don’t think
anyone would suspect the chaos that goes on in my head. Keep in mind, dear reader that these thoughts
are all in my head, I wouldn’t run the risk of appearing anything less than
confident. A therapist once told me I
have a need to control everything around me, including people’s perception of
me. It was an “ah-ha!” moment as Oprah
would say, I’ve always had a need to be the perfect girlfriend, daughter, and
etc.
Negative self-talk has caused me to
ignore some potentially good suitors. I
am grateful for all of the attention I get from the opposite sex. It builds my self-esteem for the moment. But it doesn’t take long before the negative
self-talk kicks in, somehow I think I exude sexuality and that’s what attracts
men, so I shy away after a few dates feeling as though they are just after sex. I have a hard time accepting compliments, as
I don’t always agree with their assessment.
I often worry to myself that ; “yes, he thinks I’m perfect now but once he
realizes that this small frame actually has a big belly strategically hidden under
this form fitting shirt, or boobs that will sag if not for Victoria, or worst
that I’m bipolar, he’ll change his mind”.
“If you are depressed, you are
living in the past. If you are anxious,
you are living in the future. If you are
at peace you are living in the present.”
Lao Tzu
The above quote helps me through those moments
when I am obsessing over the past wishing to change it. How do you counter negative self-talk? How has it affected your life? Or are you one who has mastered the refreshing
art of not caring what others think?
No comments:
Post a Comment